Simply Patsy: February 2016

So the plan was to update each week with a journal entry of what I learned and the experiences that I went through during my first 40 Days journey. Obvi it didn't happen. Life just got really busy and I did so much journaling by hand, it was almost like another chore to come up with content for my blog. So I'm sorry to disappoint the few who actually try to keep up with my blog.

My initial intentions for the 40 Days was to find balance. The word screamed in my head for the first entire week. Prior to the 40 Days, I was a jumbled mess. I had a lot of things I was juggling at one time and I still had other things I wanted to work on. I had goals in every area of my life and I was doing my best to balance it all out so that I can achieve them all. Time Management was the balance I thought I needed, but my soul knew differently. I found balance alright, but not in the way I thought I was going to.

Throughout the first 2 weeks, all these emotions and thoughts that I've managed to keep hidden for years started to arise. As much as I tried to fight these negative words, insecurities and bad thoughts, they just glaringly became clear to me and it was starting to give me anxiety again! The excavation questions after each chapter made me feel worse than I was already feeling. As I continued to push through the practices and deal with my deep thoughts, I struggled to understand what I needed to do with them.

Then through my practice, the words "let go" started to consistently show up. LET GO. That's what I needed to do... LET GO! Let go of negative self talk, thoughts that made me sad, and anything else that made me feel anxious. It was OK to feel these things, but I had to LET THEM GO in order to make space for the sunshine that I needed in my life.

It didn't hit me until our last 40 Days meeting, but this was the BALANCE I needed. I needed to learn to balance the vulnerabilities in my life with my strengths. For so long I have weighed myself down with so much insecurities and I've punished myself for not being the person I thought I should be. My heart and soul is healing now because I understand that strengths and vulnerabilities go hand in hand. They cannot overpower each other, they just have to stand side by side in order to make you a complete and whole person.

It's OK to not be married with kids right now - I own a business and that is my first priority.

It's OK to have gained 20 lbs. last year - I was under a lot of stress and pressure and I'm doing something about it now (I've lost 10 lbs. since November, yay!).

It's OK I don't have a boyfriend - I'm still learning how to love myself so I can love another.

It's OK Sticky's isn't a restaurant yet - this is only our 2nd year, there's still so much to learn about running a business.

It's OK to be lazy sometimes - it's my body's way of telling me that I need to rest.

Life is about balancing The Good, The Bad & The Ugly. It's easy to love ourself during The Good times, but a lot more challenging during The Bad & The Ugly. To live life fully, we must experience EVERYTHING, and it's in the moments that are the most difficult that we have to remember that nothing is permanent and we will eventually balance ourselves back to normal. Yoga has taught me dukha & sukha - finding the balance of ease and pleasure with pain and suffering.